Day 48: One of Those Things That Happens to Everyone When They Come Here.

Pulling me this way and that
Whirling like a dervish
Losing focus.
Dizzying, discombobulating, discouraging.
This is the new commonplace.
It gets so a body
Just wants to quit.
But the mood is changed so easily.
I wonder:
When did I become so
Fickle?

Day 47: Snip Snip

This well is running dry.
How much could I possibly have left in me?
What more can be required?

My emotional and physical health:
Gone.
Will you try to take the mental too?

No strength left to fight.
A flaky wisp of a shell
The hull of what was once
Strong, confident, beautiful
And, at times, happy.

Caring too much. Being too angry and excitable.
Even now, putting too much energy where
It is not warranted.

Am I wrong?
Am I being broken?
Well, in this case anyway...






I'M CUTTING THE MOTHER FUCKING CHORD!

Day 46: H2O

Whether Winter or Summer,
All times of day and night,
The body yearns for it;
Endlessly thirsting for
Rehydration.

Day 45: Bedtime

Tell me a story;
Make it sweet.
I can tell
This will be a treat.

Sing me a lullaby;
Make it slow.
I don't care
How the words go.

Rock me gently
In your arms,
So I can dream of
A world with no harm.

Day 44: Over and Over and Over Again

(Written Feb 24, 2011)

I may die due to illness and fatigue
Because, really,
I am sick and tired of being
Sick and tired.
Every week
Relief is what I seek
Sickness keeps me weak
And is turning me meek...
Is there a lesson I'm not learning?

Day 43: Walls

Like an obstacle course;
A maze where the paths change.
The walls, equipped with feet
Spring out ahead of our weary traveler
With no notice. And no door.

Building frustrations
As the traveller attempts to adopt an attitude
Of change;
Tries to be fluid and move smoothly as the walls do.
And, for a time, our traveller is successful.

Until, amazingly, the walls stand still.
The feet disappear and, one by one,
So do the walls.
Our traveller sees the holy grail. The end.
Straight ahead.

Moving forward, boldly, our traveller
Is knocked backward to the ground with the
Force of 854 bricks.
The walls now spring from the ground
Surrounding our traveller.

No way over, under or around.
Frantic, our traveller looks around and notices a mushroom.
And reaches down to touch it...
*You have received 1 new item:
SLEDGEHAMMEEERRRRRRR*

Day 42: *Sigh*

Pain is truly exhausting
Sapping your very energy until you
Wake up and don't remember
How you got where you're at.

As the pain subsides,
So does your consciousness
Until all you remember
Is sweet relief.

Day 41: Fate

In every encounter, there is a window:
One of opportunity.
To turn chance into destiny;
To turn coincidence into serendipity;
To turn happen-stance into fate.

Some are more fortunate than the rest.
These 'some' get many windows
Making it appear that these encounters were meant to be.
Fated from the beginning. And that nothing need be done.
Except to allow the meeting to run its course.

The key, either way, is to have encounters.
Just have encounters.
How else will you know?
How else COULD you know?

Day 40: Begin

Yearning for change
Fearing difficulty
Too lazy to lift a finger.
Bored. Listless. Anything will do.
Plans unfulfilled.

The Brain slows.
The Body deteriorates.
Sinking into indifference.

Flip flip.

A spark of newness
A turning page.

Flip flip.

Let's start anew
Let's break the trend
Mediocrity, your time has come to an end.
Excellence, ambition, purpose.
A new driving force.
A new start.
Let's begin.

Day 39: Philosophies

Never this; do that.
Life's philosophy awesomely thought to be set in stone.
Never changed in ages
Never turned the pages
Stuck in an endless, friendless world this kid alone.
Reaching out for something, anything, ending up with nothing she can use; all her existence been abused.
Born to a system where her kind will always lose
No one dares to walk in her shoes.
She's paid her dues. Never complaining; never forgetting her place
In this never-ending rat race.

Now she gets to shine; putting everything on the line
She gets to change her awesomely sloppily formed
Philosophy of life.

Now... she gets to put away the knife.

Day 38: Blech

Being sick
Comes with the expectation,
That when one takes one's medication,
It will fulfil its obligations!

Make me better; make me well;
Take me from this painful hell;
Get real tough and mean and tell
My body to shape up!

Day 37: Adult

Green and misty
I know that you missed me.
Red and flirty
I'll marry when I'm thirty.
Black and bossy
You don't wanna cross me.

.....

Children's games
Are all the same
Fun and cute
And silly to boot.
But grow up.

Day 36: Needy

(Written Feb 16, 2011)

Ping. Ping. Ping.
Every day. All day.
Incessant, unending,
Overwhelming
Need...

Communications in return
Few and far between
Talk to me!
24/7
Ping. Ping. Ping.

Day 35: Unsure

Moving in one direction
Swiftly and surely
Then taking a bold step
And stumbling; almost falling.

Change direction.

Moving. Moving.
More cautiously now
But still with confidence.
Another crossroads. No signposts.
Go straight and turn left.
And fall. Flat on your face.

Change direction.

Moving. Slowly.
Shaky steps due to previous injuries.
Fork in the road.
Halt... Look left. Look right.
Frozen.
Which way?

Day 34: Speed

Quickly formed;
Borne of a desire; a fantasy.
Too hastily assembled and thus
Unstable.
Wobbly like so much jell-o.
Swaying from this way to that
Until a strong wind blows and then

It crumbles
As easily as it was built.

Day 33: Receding Syllables

Take nothing personally.

Nothing. nothing. nothing.

Repeating often

Makes it habit...

Hopefully.

Learning

Hurts.

-------------------------

Take-no-thing-per-so-nal-ly. (7)

No-thing-no-thing-no-thing. (6)

Re-pea-ting-of-ten (5)

Makes-it-ha-bit... (4)

Hope-ful-ly. (3)

Lear-ning (2)

Hurts. (1)

Day 32: Ditched

Promise made; promise broken
A friend left in the lurch
A, really and truly, thoughtless act
A shining display of lack of tact
Did never, at any point, on your back
Your conscience's visage perch?

Is there any regret?
Is there any remorse?
What a great fortune that in the end
Our abandoned victim made a friend
And at her place a night did spend
But no, she's not mad, of course.

Day 31: What Everyone Knows

Passion and excitement
Make the most pragmatic ones
Lose their heads sometimes.

( written today, because I missed yesterday. Boooo)

Day 30: Dream

(Written Feb 10, 2011)

Someone said
That we already are
Who we dream of becoming.
Well,
I sure hope so.
I mean,

There must be some symbolism there
But the message is still quite clear
Within each of us lies
A power of unknown size
The potential and skills
And the required strength of will
To be and do
What we dream.

And that's cool.

Day 29: Letting Go

(Written Feb 9, 2011)

How many-a-chance
Must I give you
Before I stand up and walk away?

When will my loneliness end
And hold you in account
For the things you say?

Today? Tomorrow? I dare not guess
The answer might surprise
But it will probably be
When my insecurity drops its guise.

Day 28: Empty

(Written Feb 8, 2011)

Every entry ending in a quick exit.
Rapid flow; in-out-in-out
Then you, like a disease, consume everything in your path
And spit it out like trash
Leaving behind no goodness
No happiness
Nothing.

Absorbing every drop of nourishment
From my already exhausted body
Until my defences have been shot
Leaving me...
Empty.

Day 27: Weak

Unexpected kindness
New acquaintances
Potential friendships and
Good days
Weaken my resolve.

Day 26: Your Expense

(Written Feb 6, 2011)

Things broken; things fixed:
Throw them in the mix.
Things old and things new:
Put it all in the stew.
Make it hot; make it cold,
Lest it ever grow mould.
Make it bad; make it good,
So it's all understood:
Whether clever or dense,
We laugh at your expense.
We laugh at your expense.
We laugh at your expense.
Whether happy or sad,
Our wit is iron-clad.
Our wit is iron-clad,
Whether groovy or rad.
Whether chilled out or tense,
We laugh at your expense.
We laugh at your expense,
While we spit out nonsense.

Day 25: Creations

(Written Feb 5, 2011)

We fancy ourselves powerful
We fancy ourselves strong.

The masters over everything

Who never can do wrong.

We're God's greatest creation;

The ones who broke the mold

The end-all and the be-all

E'er since the days of old.

But what if all that we have learned

That causes all we do--

What if our premises for life

Were, not one of them, true?

What if the beast that we disdain

Disdain us all in turn?

What if they laugh in our faces

Thinking we never learn?

Our pets will learn all our commands

They understand our words

But no matter how much they bark

We're strangers to their world.

We care for them because we love

"Forever a child" we say.

But what if they see us catering

To their every need, like slaves?

What makes us think that we're so great?

I mean, really, is it clothes?

Or technology, like the iPod

Or maybe it's our prose.

I don't know where I'm going with this

And I think that it shows

But like my original question,

I guess only God knows.

Day 24: Hotel

(Written Feb 4, 2011)

I wonder what people do in here
And how much of it is left
How much does it involves such things
As sex; debauchery; theft?

I step into the room each day
And marvel at its art
But then a sudden thought strikes me
"Why does it smell like fart?"

Day 23: Bust

(Written Feb 3, 2011)

Do not stand over me
And patronize
Do not try to move on and forget
And do NOT misinterpret my behaviour
To be pennant or sheepish.

If you choose to be oblivious
As to how your actions
Are just as instrumental
In these... unfortunate frustrations
Then they will continue

If you choose to believe
I am at fault. and act as such,
Alienation'll be the destination
Or bust.

Day 22: Expect

(Written Feb 2, 2011)

Too easily we
Forget the moment. Thinking
Only of the next.

Expectations stand
In the way of enjoying
Just what is good now.

Day 21: Say

"Hey baby girl," said he to she.
"You are my world," said she to he.
Amazing how on such differed frequencies
Two kindred souls can be.

"Let's just be friends," said her to him.
"My life will end," said him to her.
These things we use, so dangerous,
But holding simple labels, 'words.'

In word and thought and action too
Much care we're meant to take,
For as the smouldering world doth turn,
Endless mistakes we're bound to make.